Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it… it dies. — Tony Gaskins
First of all, congrats! You should now have your optimized online dating profile ready and have the dating algorithm on your side. In the next few days, you'll see a surge of potential mates!
But as a reminder, the end goal of this guide isn't just to increase the number of likes you get. The real end goal is to turn online relationships into offline relationships—potentially for life.
Therefore, everything you have learned so far has led up to this page. Here's the process on how to chat online successfully in three steps:
Your conversations will always start with the hook, then the medium, and end with the ask. Like before, we'll break down each step into digestible, actionable pieces of information that you can start using it today.
1. The hook
This step is just what it sounds like — how you catch their attention. Note that your hook is the most important part of the process. A bad hook means no conversation and no chance. To start, all pick-up lines can be broken down into three:
1️⃣ Direct
A direct pick-up is exactly that: direct. An example would be "I find you attractive, want to go on a date?"
2️⃣ Innocuous
Acting as a conversation starter, innocuous pick-up lines sound like "What's your favorite drink?"
3️⃣ Flippant
These pickup lines use humor and creativity to grab someone's attention, like "I'm hot, you're hot, let's make out."
According to several studies, direct pick-up lines (option 1) work best for most people. Innocuous lines (option 2) work sometimes, and flippant lines (option 3) rarely work [1, 2, 3].
Which option you choose will depend on what you feel comfortable using, but we recommend being direct. As an example, here's "John's" default hook (pick-up line) that he used to start conversations with most of his matches:
It doesn't get any more direct than asking "Coffee date?" for a coffee date.
As a bonus, John (as a beta-tester) used the research from the previous pages to put pictures of his dog, which most people find attractive [1, 2].
Other examples of direct pick-up lines would be "I found you attractive. Can I treat you to a burrito?". Notice that where you take your potential date is specified. In this case, to eat Mexican food together.
Something else to add to your direct pick-up line would be some positive aspect you have [1]. As per the research, this could include mentioning that you have a dog, take care of children, or any other positive attribute. An example is "I find you attractive. Want to go on a date at the park with my dog?".
If you have any questions about pick-up lines, you can ask them here. We want to ensure everyone who reads this guide leaves with the "how-to" of good pick-up lines—they are the most important part of the process.
2. The medium
This part encompasses everything between the hook and the ask. The medium is the bridge between making your online relationships into offline relationships. Pay attention!
Every single medium you carry out online will be different depending on your chosen pick-up line, your interests, their interests, the context, etc. As such, there is no cookie-cutter recipe for success.
But, you should keep a few dos and don'ts in mind during the medium step. While these won't make or break your chances of getting their number, every detail counts! Let's start with the dos of the medium:
Use metaphoric language
Hear us out. Instead of saying, "Your eyes are pretty," say, "Your eyes sparkle like morning dew.” Weird, but it works [1].
Take rejection gracefully
If there's no answer to your pick-up line, move on. Your time is better spent on others who are interested!
The don’ts of chatting online
Now for the don'ts of chatting online. Let us know if you have any additional ideas for this page, and we'll add them!
Comment on looks carefully
While it's generally distasteful to comment on other's looks, a recent study showed that some people liked it when others pointed out their physique—especially fit men and women [1].
But be careful. According to a recent survey, most people in the United States are unsatisfied with their body image [1].
Don't force the conversation
If you feel like you're carrying the conversation on your back, it might be time to move on.
Chances are that even if you meet this person in real life, you'll go through the same ordeal face-to-face.
Don't be creepy
This goes without saying, but don't outright ask questions like "Where do you live?" "What are your parents' names?" or even "What underwear are you wearing?”
Echoing the wise words of Professor Oak, "there's a time and place for everything". You can ask kinky questions after you get their number.
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We do not doubt that your first few attempts at the medium will go bad—it went terribly for the beta testers, at least. But with practice comes perfection. Do not give up after the first few attempts. Every one of your failed mediums will teach you what works and what doesn't.
3. The ask
So, you've sent out your hook, they've answered, and now 20 to 30 messages have passed during the medium. As a reminder, you must wait until at least 20 messages have been exchanged before asking for their phone number [research on the previous page].
Asking for your potential mates' phone numbers is a risky affair. Once one of you has sent over those magical digits, the fun really begins!
Like in the hook, the best way to ask for their phone number is to be direct. The literal question of "What's your phone number?", at least for the beta-testers, worked most of the time.
If you feel uncomfortable being too direct, you can couch the question with a casual excuse. For example, you could say, "I don't check this app very often. What's your number?". This worked for the beta testers most of the time as well.
4. The Algorithm
Closing Thoughts